I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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