I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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