I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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