is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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