college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
