I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
