Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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