I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
