I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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