all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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