So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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