i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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