I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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