So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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