In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
