"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
