You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You should frame my arrest warrant.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
