I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
