I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
