I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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