Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
