Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
