remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
