Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
