I should be sponsored by Trojan
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
