so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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