Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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