But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
