He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
