You work out of a Hotel?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
