After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
