Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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