Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
