He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
