My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
