I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
