the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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