I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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