she was so not down for the gang bang
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
