ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
