So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
