Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
