my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
