looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
