Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im holly from the hills drunk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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