Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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