I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think I died a long time ago.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
