You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
