bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
