6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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