Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
