just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
