i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
