low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
