That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
