I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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