There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
last night I used snow as a chaser
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