We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
