Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
