Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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