so explain again why im purple
no
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I understand Curling. That high.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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