I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
