I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
id be glad to
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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