This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
