where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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