i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
