Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize