Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
