I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
birth control should be required to get into college
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
