I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
