so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I had to cum in my sink.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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