Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
