butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
